Now Open Your Eyes by Nicole Fiorina

Author:Nicole Fiorina [Fiorina, Nicole]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-02-08T18:30:00+00:00

DIANE SAT IN THE KITCHEN, staring blindly out the arched window beside the breakfast table. “Your boyfriend left,” she whispered, her voice small and barren. “I made coffee.”

I shuffled into the kitchen where her grief felt like gravity, compressing me into nothing. I didn’t know what time it was, but it was still early, and the smell of coffee swirled through the cracks of her gravity, pulling me in. The mugs hung from a black tree stand beside the coffee pot, and I took a mug, poured the coffee, and added heaps of cream and sugar.

“I love your father, Mia,” she began to say, not looking at me but out the window. “I do. I’ve always loved him.”

“I don’t know where you’re going with this.” It was too early, and I didn’t have the headspace to decipher her.

Diane sighed, and she did that every time she was about to say something. I leaned against the counter and sipped from the mug, staring at the back of her blonde bob. She was in a fluffy pink robe, hair raveled, and not perfectly in place.

“It’s not easy to fall in love with a man who lost his wife and daughter all at once. I’m a woman, so I’m expected to understand and mend the broken pieces. To turn a house into a home again. To connect with a girl who can’t connect with anyone. To pretend marrying me should’ve fixed everything, and the disappointment after when it didn’t.”

“No one expected you to fix everything.”

She shook her head, and her hair swung behind her. “When I couldn’t, I thought for sure the baby would. Maybe if I got pregnant, having a little one around would be the answer. And now I realize, all the pressure placed on me, I was placing on my baby. Maybe I am the one to blame for losing her. And I don’t know why I’m telling you this anyway. You don’t care about anything.”

My fingers gripped the coffee mug that was still hot in my hand. “I’m trying to. To be honest, if I did know you were pregnant at the time, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But, I’m trying now.”

“So just like that?”

“Just like that.” I kicked off the counter and pulled out a chair beside her. “Did you ever think we’re just two women, both not filling expectations? All my life I was expected to remember, to feel, to relate, to understand. Now, I’m expected to have all the answers and know who I am. I’m starting to think we’re never supposed to have it all figured out, and maybe that’s the beauty of it all.”

Diane swung her head to face me, eyes narrowing. “Who are you, and what have you done with Mia Rose?”

“I have no idea,” I said through an exhale, and we both shared a laugh.

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